Somerset’s Mom

Just a shout out…Been talking to a lot of you lately…acting crazy…and you have all been there for me. Thanks for taking care…

I’ve been wracking my brain as to why I seem to have lost it in the last few weeks…sometimes I thought it was a man, sometimes I thought it was a lack of a man, sometimes I thought it was money trouble or work trouble….I’ve explored all the options like a crazy person. Obsessing.

I finally realize what it was that has sent me spinning into the world of negative thinking and fear.

Mohegan Sun.

That’s right. I went to this place, drove an hour and a half…to hell. It scared me worse than driving to the valley in los angeles. The people there scared me. I made the unfortunate choice of wearing a ‘cute’ outfit and the attention that garnered has scarred me. From underaged boys (for me, that means anyone under 33) to old men who are carefully preserving that one last tooth…I am just now shaking the vile toxic energy off of my soul! And I don’t even believe in that stuff.

Anyway-last night all my craziness came to a head and I was probably more insecure and foolish than I’ve been in a long time. Friends saw me through…and as I fell asleep, I was so embarrassed by my insecurity that I sighed.

Then I had a nightmare. I’m walking through Mohegan Sun, and all my friends are there. But they are not hanging together, they are spread out in the sea of ugliness and sin and totally unaware of each other. My friends do not look like they normally do…they have turned into the people who I saw the night I went to Mohegan Sun. Skin, teeth and body have clearly been abused to the breaking point. The air of hopelessness hangs above their heads, mingling with the cigarette smoke. Oh, it was very depressing.

So, I woke up this morning, and came to this conclusion. Friends, no worries. The arrogant selfish Tiffany is back. All will be well. I don’t live at Mohegan Sun. This is where I live.

All is well.

Day after Thanksgiving. Slept on the couch because the dogs were snuggled up and couldn’t bear to move them. Shut up! It wasn’t because I was drunk!

Woke up early and walked my dogs. It was a glorious day in NYC; about fifty degrees and not a cloud in the sky. I actually dressed for the walk too warmly. We avoided the weird man Jim who always wants to walk with us. The man cannot even see the obvious “I want to be alone” IPOD cords dangling from my ears. Now, as all know….I enjoy the older men. But this guy is completely old. And not cute.

Then I went home and laid on the couch with the snuggly babies and watched the finale to Weeds. Wow. I hate that I have to wait a long time for the new season to start. Part of the problem with enjoying television.

When I was checking out HBO on demand, I noticed a movie called ChumScrubber that I thought was a horror movie. When I noticed that Ralph Fiennes was the lead, I was intrigued.

It is not a horror movie. It has an amazing cast: Glenn Close, Allison Janney, Ralph Fiennes, Rita Wilson, Jamie Bell, Camila Bell (no relation, I think.) But it was like a weird American Beauty knockoff. I still have no idea what the chumscrubber has to do with any of it! Admittedly, I watched it at home, so I am sure I fell asleep every fifteen minutes for at least five minutes, so I will have to watch it again. But I’m dying to hear reactions from others on this movie! How on earth did they secure that cast???

The rest of my day went on to be terrific, included leftovers and a hike, and a theatrical meeting with some future partners. Now I’m tired of writing in my blog and must retire. nighty night.

Wow. My neighbor and guru Chris has done it again. He threw a Thanksgiving celebration in his NYC apartment for 18 people. It went off without a hitch and was beautiful and elegant and perfect.

My responsibility this year was to bring pies. I made three pies from scratch, and this year, friends-I outdid myself. From scratch I made: a mixed berry (blueberry, blackberry and raspberry)pie with a lattice crust that had a few beautiful autumnal leaves (made out of dough…) placed along the outside. I made an apple brandy pie with a whole wheat and brandy crust that was unbelievable. I’m allergic to apple and wheat but I still indulged. And would do it again if the leftovers were at my damn house. Then I made a traditional pumpkin pie, and by traditional I mean that I bought the pie filling instead of roasting a pumpkin. I did make the crust from scratch, but merely added the evaporated milk and spices to the filling itself. The pies were magnicificent.

Like my mother before me, I believe presentation is equally important to substance. I said equally people! NOT MORE IMPORTANT. But not less. So, with the pies, I had a secret weapon. The pies cooked beautifully, but it is rare that you can ensure that the finished product looks photo ready. So much is out of your control; magic happening in the oven far from your judgemental eyes. No longer! I baked the pies to near perfection…meaning they were cooked thoroughly and bubbling deliciously. Then I sprinkled a little sugar in a few places in need of some beautiful golden browning (new word possibly!) and whipped out my kitchen torch and torched those bits of crust to a beautiful finish.

That’s right!!!

Pictures to come. Oh yeah.

So, in my last post, I left out details of my latest romantic adventure. It wasn’t actually an adventure, and I’m not sure if it was romantic to anyone besides myself.

For the first time in a long ass time…maybe as far back as Jordan, I met someone who I felt that sort of instant chemistry with. Totally gorgeous and funny and really easy to hang around.

I know what you are thinking….”tiffany! you FINALLY met someone you like in New York!!!!”

No.

He is not in New York and worst than that, he is not available. I think that I must naturally look at the wrong hand when I’m flirting with people. I don’t know. Anyway…we totally clicked and then the next time I saw him, he completely ignored me. Probably because he was trying to be a good person and everything. I commend that behavior. I certainly would not have been trying to be a good person. God knows.

Anyway, this experience has caused a revelation. I just don’t think it’s going to happen for me, folks. I try to remain open to the possibility of love wafting my way, but I am now 33 and am still making dangerously wrong turns. And now it seems like my choices may affect others in dangerous ways and I’m not used to that. So I’m stopping.

So instead of wallowing in my loneliness and asking god why, oh why….I’m going to suck it up and appreciate all the great things in my life. There are many. I love my life actually. Although I’m disappointed to not share it with someone special…I’m not going to let that disappointment stop me from getting the things I want. So-here it is. I am going to figure out how I can have a baby on my own. I am not sure how I will do this and take over the world casting one dayplayer at a time, but if anyone can figure it out….right? Would love to hear the downside to this, all you buddies. I’ve only bounced the idea off of one person, my brother, who thinks it is a good idea.

So, let me know what you think!

I hardly know where to begin. Last week, Bernie and I rented a car and headed up to Newport, Rhode Island to visit the set of “Dan In Real Life.” We had just an amazing time. When we walked into the lunch room (we arrived during the lunch break) Peter Hedges (director) stood up and introduced as the people who were responsible for how well the movie was going. He was so sweet. Everyone welcomed us and seemed genuinely glad to see us.

We watched some filming, and afterwards were invited to watch dailies. The scenes we saw were hilarious. It was so fun, I can’t wait to see the whole movie. After that, we went to dinner with Peter and his wife. And after that, we went out with some of the cast. We turned in a bit early and missed hanging out with Dane Cook, who joined the group we were with later in the evening. I was exhausted though, and wasn’t too sad about it.

Friday, the next day, was my birthday and it was probably the best birthday of my life. Went to shooting which was great. At lunch one of the actors started a giant Happy Birthday singalong for me. Embarassing, and sweet. At about three pm, Bernie and I got into the car and I drove him to Boston. He had to fly to London for another project. I turned right around and went back to Newport. That night, Sondre Lerche (http://www.myspace.com/sondrelerche) was performing at the hotel for the cast and crew and I had been invited to attend.

The concert was amazing. Sondre has just gotten off tour with Elvis Costello and his band is really terrific. Everyone just had a blast. In the middle of his set, he sang a Norwegian birthday song for me! It was great.

This week I went back to shoot my tiny little scene. It was great, very nerve-wracking, but fun. Jack got to go with me, which was sweet. I have to say, life would be great with a full time makeup artist! I think I looked pretty good!

Anyway, just got home and am thoroughly exhausted.

That’s Showbidness.

Yes, it is today! And I am cuddled on the couch with my blankets and two adorable pooches, watching it on TV. Did you think I would actually be running it?

I have tossed around the idea of training to run the marathon. I know in my heart that if I started running, these extra pounds would melt away and I would be able to eat whatever I want. And drink whatever I want. My thighs would be big and muscular but that would be better than them being big and fat.

But the couch is so comfy! And the doggles are so snuggly! They look at me with their big brown eyes and they don’t want me to get up and go for a run without them!

But even just writing those words: thighs, big, fat…..I’m feeling motivated to get a cute little running outfit together and give it a try!

BYE! I’m going running!