This is a true story. Below, I cut and paste an instant message conversation my friend Todd and I had regarding a true date that our optimistic friend had. I start the conversation:
TLC:i have to tell you about es’s date!
TL:what date?
1:25 AM
TLC:okay- first of all, she went on her first eharmony date last week
i asked her how it went and she says fine
TL:ok
TLC:she then tells me that she noticed the guy kindof walked funny
TL:he only has one leg?
he has a fake leg
a wooden leg
TLC:he tells her, after they sit down, that four weeks ago, he weighed over 400 pounds
TL:what?
TLC:he is wearing a full body compression suit
TL:how much does he weigh now/
TLC:probably 200
TL:he lost 200 in four weeks?
TLC:surgery and gastric bypass babe
TL:it happens that fast?
TLC:he is wearing the suit to help keep his skin up
TL:that means he has skin hanging all over the place
TLC:right
TL:well, no eharmony membership for me. what the fuck will i ever do?
TLC:five minutes later he told her that between his plastic surgery, his gastric bypass and his med school loan, he would be over 400,000 dollars in debt
ONLY ESTHER WOULD SAY THAT THIS DATE WAS ‘FINE!’
TL:this is like a saturday night live sketch. i can’t even imagine what esther’s face looked like or what she said
HAAAAAAAAAA
so true
THIS IS A TRUE IM CONVERSATION ABOUT A REAL DATE. THERE IS TRUE OPTIMISM IN THE WORLD. UNFORTUNATELY, I DO NOT SHARE IN IT! MY FRIEND ESTHER IS ONE OF THE MOST OPEN HEARTED PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.